Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Chapters Two-Ten

So....It's been forever since I've last created a personal blog. I've been incredibly busy with homework and my school blog that at the end of the day all I want to do is go to bed.
So this is what has happened since February, when I last posted.
First Comes baby.... After the best 365 days of my life, Kaursin turned one on July 7th. We had a party full of family and friends at the local park. It was amazing to me how much family showed up, especially Kyle's family. It meant so much to me because I know how blessed Kaursin and I really are to have them in our lives. He ended up with so many toys that some have been put away for Christmas presents. Some of the other toys that were to 'grown up' were re-gifted for bigger kids who can actually play with them. I feel bad but we had no room for them and it's not like he's going to miss them. Since then Kaursin has started walking and talking like crazy.
....Then comes marriage.
I am now Mrs. Baker!!! After a long 9 months of being engaged and putting together a wedding, we got married on September 18th. The wedding was absolutely B-EA-U-TI-FUL! The day before the wedding was stressful and rainy, which made it even more stressful. We ditched out on our previous plans of having a rehearsal dinner picnic and headed for the hills in SD. We had a rehearsal then all of the wedding party went to TGI Fridays for dinner. Some would say that is not proper wedding etiquette, but we had a blast! We had a giant sleep over the night before the wedding with all of the wedding party. Fun you ask??? HELL YA it was. It was great to unwind and get rid of stress before the wedding. Sunday was amazing. Family and friends showed up and made the day absolutely perfect. All of the wedding party got along, there was no drama or stress. I was shockingly really callm and not nervous one bit. Our choice in photographer was perfect. She did everything and more that I could have imagined for somebody who is not a professional. She handled the stress of being rushed and knew just where and when to pose us. She captured all of the little details and the private moments between me and Kyle without interrupting. I'm so happy with what she did. Just the few she showed me proved that I made the right choice. After the wedding Kyle and I spend 3 nights and 4 days at a Bed and Breakfast just outside of Rapid City. It was so nice to get away for a few days but I missed my little man!
Right before the wedding I had a big blow out with one of my 'best friends.' We really hadn't been talking before then anyways. We both went our seperate ways, made new friends, and moved on with our lives. I trully do feel bad about the whole situation. As much as we didn't talk before the fight, I never meant to make it worse and not talk at all. I think we were both a little influenced about what other people had to say and took a business decision way to personal. However, no matter how bad I feel, I have to move on with my life and get over it. So here's to OH WELL!
Pick Me Up
There comes a point in life when people decide they want to surround themselves with happy people. I get tired of  hearing people talk bad about other people, go on about how terrible their life is, and all around bring me down. I had enough of being down in the dumps all the time in high school. Now that I have Kaursin all I want to do is be happy for him, and me. Some people just learn to grow up and realize that their lives aren't near as bad as other people have it, and learn to be thankful for the people they have in their lives.I might be in need of making some new changes. I am so thankful for everyone in my life but I don't know if I can be strong for everyone.
Buried Alive
Since the wedding, and before it too I guess, I've been buried under a pile of homework. Some days I just want to give up on school and get a job around town. It would be so easy, and cheaper, to just throw in the towel and give up on my dream of being a teacher. I would love to not be stressed about what is due today. It is so hard to get homework done while chasing Kaursin and the dogs out of stuff they shouldn't be in. It also puts a strain on my little family because college is expensive and I can't work as much as I need to. However, I know that if I quit I will be a huge hypocrite! I look at people who have quit school, and their jobs, and complain about having no money and the only people to blame is themselves. I don't want to be that person. It makes me so mad when people look down on me or judge me for working as a waitress at the same restraunt for the past almost 4 years. But as long as it pays for college and my bills, it's what I have to do. At least I have a job! So I will continue to work my butt off to the point of exhaustion for my beautiful little family. I want Kaursin, Kyle, and any future kids to be proud of their mommy, the teacher. Not their mommy, the waitress at the bee's.
  Well I guess all this rambling catches you all up on the past couple of months. More to come on...potential Baker baby #2, new job opportunites, and college year 3!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

     Well here it is my very fist blog. I decided to call my blog Crumpled Moment because when a writer messes up he crumples his page and starts rewriting...this will be my page to 'rewrite' the things I can't in real life. My blogs will be about my life, my feelings, and my opinions. I do not care if you comment on my posts. However, this is my little place in the world for it to be all about me. These blogs are my punching bags, mountain tops, and dark corners of the world, for me to vent, complain, and share my life. 
     Like many people in this world, I want to improve on my self worth and attitude towards things. I have many titles, some good  and some bad: mother, fiancee, daughter, sister, friend, student, teacher, employee, bitch, lover, hard worker, etc. My goal is to fulfill the definitions of these titles to the fullest, even the bad ones. By blogging I believe I can get rid of some extra baggage and make room for new improvements.Well here it goes.....
     CHASING! I feel like I am constantly chasing something. An unrealistic dream, my teacher around the school, time, and my son. Kaursin recently learned how to crawl. Ever since then, I can't keep up with anything. I am constantly having to get him out of potentionally bad situations. He'll sit still for the longest time, but as soon as I try to do somehting, like homework, the dishes, or relax for a few minutes, he takes off. His favorite place to be is under the TV stand. Today as I am trying to do dishes, I look into the living room and he is putting the dog bone in his mouth. SICK! Don't get me wrong I am very proud of the fact that he is doing really well for his age. It's just that I feel like I'm falling behind at so many other things now.
     I want to be the best fiancee for my future husband. I want to keep up with house work and nice dinners, but it seems impossible now. Chasing Kaursin around the house on top of: going to classes and homework and making babysitting arrangements and working all weekend and wedding planning and trying to get in shape and making arrangements to teach at the elementary schools and trying not to kill the naughty dogs and still being a good lover.....is WEARING ME OUT!
      Being worn out and tired all the time is hard. I randomly start crying at nothing. My birthday was two days ago and I was grumpy all day long. I felt terrible, Kyle was trying to do whatever he could to make it a special day but I couldn't get in a good mood.
      Anyways to bring chapter one to a close, one of my best friends recently started a blog. I thought it was a great idea. Like I said earlier this will be my spot to let out a little and take a deep breath. That is what I just did. *SIGH* I feel a little better now. Kaursin is awake from his nap...back to chasing!